Enough so that we decided to call it off. He moved overseas and that was the unintentional break we actually needed. A few months in, he found out they were moving him overseas for a year, so we got back together and got engaged. We met in college and, after his first deployment, we talked about what our next steps were after being together for six years - was I going to “stick it out?” We decided we both needed the space to think through it. I thought it would have been nice to get some clarity, but I was just postponing the ultimate outcome.” I ended up cheating on him during that time (but we never really defined clear boundaries, so I’m not sure it totally counts?) and we broke up about two weeks after the break was done. “We went for 2 weeks with just texting but no seeing each other. The break made us realize how much we meant to each other.” Neither of us regrets that break it hurt a lot, but it was needed for us to grow individually. He called me and we spent a couple weeks talking and then got back together on V-day. After four months though, I missed him a lot. We both kinda knew it would happen at that point. After three weeks, I went home and we broke up in a cafe. I put us on a break for three weeks - no talking. I was also interested in someone else and overall feeling trapped. “First semester of my freshman year I put my boyfriend on a break because we were heading towards becoming open and I was restless. Boundary-drawing has been difficult, but we are learning and I love having him in my corner without all of the added daily pressures of being in a full-on relationship.” Still love him and see him, but the pressure and anxiety of being in a relationship has been removed.
“Currently ! He is 18 years older than me and I felt as though I had some boxes left unchecked that I wanted to explore. True ‘conscious uncoupling,’ Gwyneth-style.” Already tried it and it was clear! The split was also much more amicable and loving than I ever could’ve expected. I am happy we did the ‘break’ thing in the past because I am currently not questioning if the relationship would be better now if it was revived. Skip ahead to two more years and we are no longer together. We didn’t want to lose each other, but things weren’t working. After you read through what they told me, meet me in the comments to further theorize on the efficacy of “the break.” In order to mine that wisdom, I asked a bunch of people who went on a break about how theirs turned out. Relationship-break hindsight, in that sense, is rife with realizations. The beauty of the break, though, is it’s temporary by definition, which means its success or failure is imminent and at least somewhat objective. Still others believe it’s a copout, a bad sign, an escape in sheep’s clothing. Some believe it’s just a fearful pitstop on the way to a breakup others believe it can be a healthy and necessary means to see the relationship from a distance. Going on a break is a divisive solution for a relationship rough patch. I have evidence in the form of 28 years of pop culture consumption and late-night talks with friends to believe we all have a little bit of love blindness in us. I’m a gullible and fickle creature when it comes to love, capable of lying to myself over and over again. And nearly every time I’ve ended a relationship, I’ve used the consoling idea that we might have a future as a means to get through it, and every time, I believe it up until I no longer need to. I myself have never gone on an official break - I used to “not believe in them” - but I’ve been through breakups that lasted a day, a week, a year, before we reversed them: a break in practice if not in name. My relationship with relationship “breaks” has been varied, passionate and overall ironic.
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